Shifting Your Focus

When my emotions spiral out of control, I deliberately redirect my attention. Psychotherapist Jasmin Lee Cori, author of Healing from Trauma, indicates that humans function through three primary channels: mind, body, and emotions. I often pivot to the mental channel when my emotions feel overwhelming, but you might prefer the physical channel instead.

Engaging in a mental activity often helps me regain balance. For instance, when I write, I immerse myself in the subject matter and how to present it cohesively. Admittedly, there are times when I find myself crying at the keyboard, but relief typically follows after several minutes.

Consider reading a captivating book, organizing your finances, or playing a mental exercise game. Alternatively, if you opt for the physical channel, go for a run, play darts, or clean your space. Experiment to discover which activities effectively alleviate your emotional flood.

Soothe and Reassure Yourself

Nearly five years ago, I faced significant loss. During the 2018 lava eruption on the Big Island of Hawaii, I lost my home, my possessions, and experienced personal upheaval.

In a moment of distress, I created a list of affirmations to comfort and encourage myself. I keep this list in my planner for easy access during challenging times. Here are a few affirmations I included:

• I will be okay.
• I am resilient.
• I can create a fulfilling life, even if it looks different than I imagined.
• This pain is temporary; I will heal and move forward.
• I am capable of self-care.

You might also consider compiling a list of your accomplishments or positive attributes. Make multiple lists and rotate them as needed! Avoid negative self-talk, as it can intensify emotional flooding; instead, practice self-encouragement.

Calming Your Nervous System

Psychologist John Gottman, PhD, explains that emotional flooding is closely linked to an activated nervous system. When your fight or flight response is triggered, accessing rational thought becomes challenging, leading to emotional overwhelm.

After losing everything, I learned various "Help Now" strategies to quickly calm my nervous system. Developed by the Trauma Resource Institute, these methods are straightforward and accessible to everyone, not just trauma survivors. Here are five strategies I find particularly effective:

1. Drink a glass of water.
2. Tune into the sounds around you.
3. Slowly scan the room, focusing on anything that draws your attention, then repeat.
4. Identify six colors within your view.
5. Gently press your hands against a wall and feel your muscles engage.

These techniques may seem simple, but they are backed by contemporary research on trauma and the brain. The next time you feel emotionally heightened, try one or more of these methods to find relief.

Once you experience a calming effect, you can utilize other techniques mentioned to maintain that sense of peace.

Final Thoughts

Emotional regulation does not equate to suppressing emotions. It involves understanding your emotional limits to prevent overwhelming experiences and triggering your fight or flight response.

When addressing conflicts or emotional challenges, tackle them in manageable portions. This approach may help you gradually increase your emotional resilience and grounding.

Importantly, do not fault yourself for being highly emotional. You might not have learned effective emotional regulation in your early years, or it could simply be part of your nature.

However, emotional self-regulation is a skill you can develop as an adult. I may always be on the more emotional side, but I have learned that indulging in painful feelings for extended periods does not serve me or others. I genuinely hope you find relief from that struggle as well.

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• 7 Simple Strategies for Simplifying Your Life

  Find inspiration or adapt my methods to your own needs.

The first video titled "Regulating Emotions with these 3 key tips!" offers practical advice for managing emotional responses effectively.

The second video, "Emotional Regulation: Somatic Tools, Feeling Safe, and Self-Acceptance," provides insightful tools for achieving emotional balance and self-acceptance.