Understanding the Reality of Sexual Experience

Engaging with the truth rather than myths is my primary concern.

Photo by Rhii Photography on Unsplash

Historically, Sigmund Freud posited that "mature" women could achieve orgasm solely through vaginal penetration, deeming clitoral orgasms a sign of sexual immaturity or even mental illness. While this view has been thoroughly discredited, remnants of it linger in society, contributing to what is known as "the orgasm gap." A 2016 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior surveyed over 52,500 U.S. adults, revealing that 95% of heterosexual men reported usually or always reaching orgasm during sex, in stark contrast to only 65% of heterosexual women, who experienced the lowest rates of orgasm.

“What I aim to combat is the widespread misconception that orgasms resulting from vaginal penetration — including the so-called 'g spot' — are superior or more desirable,” notes Professor Laurie Mintz. “In reality, the majority of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm.”

In a recent tweet, I expressed my confusion over why numerous erotica writers, many of whom are women, tend to depict women achieving orgasm solely through penetration. While I acknowledge that about 25% of women experience orgasm this way, I find it troubling that those who promote sex positivity continue to reinforce a damaging cultural myth about female sexuality by only representing this narrative.

“You’re attempting to make a social statement when most people likely just want to be entertained,” a friend remarked. While I understand his perspective, I believe that sharing the truth does not have to be a political stance. Reality itself is intriguing; why not showcase it while also reshaping the narrative of what constitutes good sex? This could enable more women to experience orgasms more frequently, as both they and their partners are freed from these pervasive myths.

This isn’t the first time someone has suggested that I have a particular agenda. Another friend recently made a similar comment regarding my writings about how environment and experience significantly influence what culture often labels as innate behavior. The differences among individuals outweigh the simplistic gender binaries. Take RuPaul, PeeWee Herman, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Dwayne Johnson, and Donald Trump — all men by identification, yet they are vastly different from one another. Meanwhile, many women who identify as female embody traits considered more "masculine" than some of these men.

If gender were a strict binary, I might accept it as fact, but the truth is that these myths serve patriarchal views on what is appropriate behavior for men and women. Research has shown that social context and gender roles profoundly influence behavior. In one study, participants who were not identified as male or female and did not wear identifiers displayed no adherence to traditional gender stereotypes when given the opportunity to act aggressively; in fact, women exhibited more aggression while men adopted a more passive demeanor.

My goal is not merely to assert that gender binaries are largely cultural constructs; I aim to dismantle incorrect beliefs that have historically disempowered people. I recognize that truth can be subjective, and I am aware of my biases. However, my extensive training over the past decade in self-reflection enables me to identify my own potential biases more effectively than many can with theirs. I am known for being adaptable, often revising my views in light of new evidence.

My perspective is informed by research and analysis that is clear, intelligent, and compellingly presented across various disciplines, revealing the same topic from multiple viewpoints. If the multi-dimensional understanding resonates with me while alternative views fail to account for all relevant factors or lean on outdated ideas like Freud's, I feel secure in my belief that my perspective aligns more closely with reality.

What I have discovered is that, in many instances — perhaps even most — the prevailing cultural narrative is far from the truth. This discrepancy often arises from the power dynamics inherent in a society structured around dominance, where those with the most influence shape cultural stories. Additionally, a lack of curiosity often leads to a desire to mold the world in a familiar image, entrenching existing biases and misinformation, while our understanding of the world evolves continuously.

Two decades ago, experts discouraged the public from consuming eggs due to cholesterol concerns; today, they are widely recognized as a nutritious source of protein and vitamins. For centuries, women have been perceived as less sexual than men, supposedly more inclined toward monogamy and relationships. Recent studies challenge this long-held belief, illuminating how cultural narratives have distorted our understanding over the past 5,000 years.

I find these dichotomies intriguing and am eager to reveal them. Frequently, my writings contain terms like myth, false, not, actually, and wrong in their titles. I seek to present a broader perspective or the latest understanding to enhance collective awareness. My fascination with sociology drives my desire to comprehend human behavior and the reasons behind people's beliefs. My writing often reflects recent research findings that elucidate these issues.

This is my mission — not to propagate a personal ideological interpretation of another cultural narrative, but to illuminate truths as I perceive them, allowing others to form their own opinions. Our reality consists of the stories we tell about it, and I am determined not to perpetuate disempowering tales that are far from accurate. I find it challenging to comprehend why anyone would choose to do so.

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