Chapter 1: The Misunderstanding of "Connectivity"

During a video conference about a year ago, my manager remarked, "We need to discuss connectivity." My immediate thought was about technical difficulties; I responded, "Yes, the network is quite unreliable, and IT support should be more available." However, she was referring to the connections among staff members.

Since that conversation, the term "connectivity" has gained traction, often used to describe a kind of social glue essential for maintaining relationships in a COVID-19 work environment. As I pondered this idea, I realized it differed greatly from my understanding of connecting with colleagues.

What she meant was a schedule packed with video meetings: departmental discussions, team syncs, and one-on-one check-ins. This was in addition to spontaneous video calls from managers whenever they felt the urge. The situation was compounded by the numerous meetings I had for various committees and groups.

Rather than feeling connected, it felt more like a form of surveillance. The heightened scrutiny was a stark contrast to my previous office experience, where I often enjoyed long stretches of uninterrupted time. Now, the only way to achieve that peace was to disconnect completely.

Interaction was certainly not lacking; if anything, I was overwhelmed. What I truly craved was solitude.

This push for connectivity felt presumptuous and a bit exclusionary. It seemed to stem from the belief that increased contact benefits everyone, yet some individuals thrive on solitude. For many, video conferencing can be intrusive. Those with sensory processing challenges might find themselves overwhelmed during back-to-back meetings.

Enforcing interaction merely for the sake of it is counterproductive.

Connectivity cannot arise from the forced, superficial exchanges typical of video calls. Genuine connection occurs when we engage in meaningful discussions—sharing insights, brainstorming solutions, and collaborating on projects.

Electronic small talk often feels stilted. The medium is too focused on task completion; it’s about getting in and out quickly. This environment doesn’t foster the leisurely conversations that often happen after face-to-face meetings. I prefer to conserve my mental energy rather than spend excessive time in front of a screen.

Someone once proposed a regular Friday afternoon Zoom happy hour. While well-intentioned, I found my ability to engage in lively group discussions on a screen at that point in the week to be non-existent. It felt akin to being in a loud nightclub.

I have found some success with one-on-one video meetings, as long as I have control over their timing. These interactions can mirror in-person conversations, allowing for substantive discussions. However, the interactions presented as fostering connectivity left me feeling distant, providing only surface-level engagement. It was a paradox of feeling overstimulated yet emotionally starved.

True human connection doesn’t stem from scheduled meetings; it emerges from spontaneous, organic moments throughout the day. The casual banter in the kitchen, catching up with someone during a walk, or debriefing after a challenging client interaction—these serendipitous encounters infuse our days with meaning and cannot be replicated virtually.

Now that I'm returning to the office a few times monthly, I’m starting to enjoy these small moments of connection again: having lunch at a pub with colleagues or stopping by their desks to chat.

You cannot force human connection, nor can you define it for others. It's essential to give people the freedom to discover it in their own way and at their own pace.

Chapter 2: The Limitations of Virtual Interactions

Section 2.1: The Importance of Spontaneity

The essence of connection lies in spontaneous interactions that are often absent in a structured remote work environment.

Subsection 2.1.1: Embracing In-Person Moments