The Concepts of Offerers and Choosers

To start, let's discuss two critical roles in dating: the "Offerers" and the "Choosers." According to evolutionary psychology, people operate within a framework called "Sexual Market Value" (SMV), which is a numerical representation (from 1 to 10) of one’s desirability in the dating arena.

Higher SMV typically means you’re more sought after due to desirable traits in the "Sexual Marketplace" (SMP). Individuals often aspire to attract partners with a higher SMV than their own, as securing a high-value partner is essential for survival and reproduction.

However, the dating landscape can be harsh, and not everyone can achieve the highest ratings. For men, being a top-tier partner is relatively rare, especially when looking for a committed relationship. Conversely, women often have more options, which is why they tend to be the "Choosers," while men play the role of the "Offerers."

This dynamic is crucial to understand: As a woman, you should never chase! If you find yourself in a position where you feel like you're not the one being pursued, it indicates a problem. Many women ask me how to encourage a man to chase them, but they often misunderstand the dating game.

Historically, men have been expected to demonstrate their worth to attract a partner. If you flip this dynamic, you inadvertently give him too much control, leading to an imbalanced relationship where he may take you for granted.

Maintaining the Power Balance

Another important aspect to consider is the balance of power during the dating process. If you assume that a guy should chase you indefinitely, you may be in for a surprise. Conversely, if he thinks you’ll yield easily after a couple of dates, he may be mistaken.

The key is to maintain a healthy equilibrium of power. There are certain circumstances under which it’s appropriate to let your guard down:

1. He has consistently courted you.
2. You see him as a good match and feel he deserves your affection.
3. He has expressed a desire for a relationship.

If these conditions are met, and it’s around the fifth date, you may choose to reciprocate affection if it feels right to you. Remember, you are not obligated to offer anything.

The ideal scenario is for him to plan and cover the costs of the initial dates, which allows him to invest his time and resources. After a few outings, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to suggest a date or share costs occasionally. This signals your appreciation for his efforts while ensuring he continues to invest in the relationship.

To summarize, it’s vital to frame your interactions to your advantage. Ensure he respects you, is consistent, and demonstrates that he genuinely wants to invest in you.

The Timing of Intimacy

One common question women ask is, "When is the right time to become intimate?" The reality may surprise you: it often doesn’t matter when you choose to sleep with a guy.

While timing does influence power dynamics, it’s essential to understand that genuine connections can form regardless of when intimacy occurs. Whether it’s the first or tenth date, if a man desires a meaningful relationship, he will remain in your life; if not, he will likely move on.

The reason we advise waiting is to minimize risk. You need to ascertain what he truly desires and whether he’s genuinely interested in you. This takes time and observation, allowing you to make an informed decision.

In conclusion, the dating process is about assessing whether a man is willing to prove himself. Once you’re satisfied that he’s invested adequately, you can consider lowering your defenses.

If you want to explore modern dating strategies, understand men better, and find a relationship quickly, click here to discover my methods for helping clients achieve their goals.

In this insightful video, learn how much you should allow a guy to pursue you while maintaining your power in the relationship dynamic.

This video offers effective strategies on how to make him chase you, ensuring you stay in control of the dating process.