Chapter 1: Understanding Birthday Anxiety

Birthdays can be a source of joy for many, but for some, they bring unexpected feelings of anxiety. Just recently, I found myself reflecting on my own experience.

Months leading up to my birthday, I faced a phenomenon unlike anything I had encountered before. I was plagued with panic attacks, which were intense and visceral. Each morning, they greeted me before I even got out of bed.

Initially, I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. There seemed to be no rational explanation for my anxiety, especially since my birthday was still half a year away! However, as the date drew closer, my unease escalated, leading me to realize it was linked to the impending celebration.

This phenomenon, often referred to as "Birthday Blues," is not officially recognized in the DSM-5, yet it appears to be relatively common. The range of emotions can vary widely, from a fear of aging to deep-seated anxiety or even depression.

In a fascinating study, researchers noted a rise in self-inflicted deaths among the elderly around their birthdays, which I found quite striking. However, another study challenged this link, suggesting there might not be any real connection. Regardless of the research, the emotional weight of birthdays can be significant, particularly for those prone to overthinking.

The day often becomes a time for self-reflection, leading to unspoken expectations we place upon ourselves. With each passing year, it can feel like a reminder of time slipping away.

Moreover, the spotlight that birthdays bring can be overwhelming. While some thrive in the attention, others dread it. It can feel akin to being thrust onto a stage without a script or rehearsal.

Chapter 2: The Concept of Time Anxiety

But here lies a deeper truth: many of us grapple with the feeling that we haven't achieved what we should have by this point in our lives. As hopeful adolescents, we envisioned becoming more than we have, entrusting our futures to the ideals of hard work and the universe's timing.

Time anxiety is a relatively recent term that describes a fear of squandering one's time, leading to a relentless pursuit of meaningful experiences. Essentially, it’s the nagging worry that, when reflecting on our lives, we might regret how we spent our time.

“Did I really spend 35% of my time scrolling through TikTok?”

Perhaps it’s time we recalibrate our perspectives. Personally, I haven't encountered that intense birthday anxiety in a while. I attribute this change to a shift towards gratitude. Each morning, I wake up feeling deeply thankful for another day, which feels more fulfilling than being anxious about the passage of time. I follow this with creating a to-do list for the day.

There are two hard truths I've come to accept about adulthood: first, there are many things beyond our control; and second, we need to learn to be okay with that.

With that in mind, I’m off to enjoy my birthday cake!