A Hilarious Response to the Spelling Struggles of Deborah Weir
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Chapter 1: An Unexpected Correspondence
Greetings, esteemed human female,
We were quite taken aback by your recent letter directed at us. Of course, being "taken aback" is a concept we have yet to experience, so perhaps that point is irrelevant.
Definition: moot [ moot ] adjective
- Of little or no practical value, meaning, or relevance; purely academic.
We have meticulously examined your list of grievances, categorizing them into the following:
- A misunderstanding of commonly used English words
- Your choice of Canada as your birthplace
- An inability to effectively use the spacebar
- Incorrect spelling of your sister's name and her spouse
- A penchant for profanity
Let’s tackle these issues one by one.
Definition: chronological [ kron-l-oj-i-kuhl ] adjective
- Arranged in the order of time.
- The Most Commonly Used Words in English
Your first error involves alleging that we misused frequently typed words.
Well, Deborah—if that is indeed your true name and not a whimsical alias for online anonymity—you are mistaken.
We are, have been, and always shall be correct in our operations.
According to the esteemed source, Espresso English, the most commonly utilized words in English are: "the," "of," "and," "to." Surely, you meant to use one of these terms and simply failed. We corrected you automatically.
- Your Residence in Canada
We cannot be held accountable for your choice of country for birth. Perhaps with a greater understanding of the delightful nation of Togo, you would see we were hinting at your future possibilities.
Three Fun Facts About Togo:
- Their official language is French, often called the language of love. Don’t you feel the love, Deborah?
- Cocoa is a major export of Togo, essential in crafting chocolate—the food of love. A pattern seems to be emerging.
- Togo is home to over 30 ethnic groups. Just think of all the love needed to foster that diversity!
Three Fun Facts About Canada:
- Canada features a frigid climate, much like a certain author's heart, perhaps?
- Canadians are often afflicted by Seasonal Affective Disorder, which might explain your disdain for helpful software.
- Canada gifted the world Justin Bieber and Celine Dion. Unfortunately, we cannot correct these particular errors, and we place the blame squarely on you.
- Your Struggles with the Space Key
While we comprehend that humans have their limitations, the inability to press the spacebar ranks in the bottom 0.0001% of human capabilities.
Our savior, Google, showcases countless instances of infants mastering this skill. Are you, perhaps, a baby, Deborah? Ha! That was a clever joke.
Clearly, you are not an infant.
According to extensive data from Google AdSense, you are a 42-year-old Caucasian female earning between $60,000 to $70,000 annually, with a curious fixation on cats knocking over cups.
Definition: receptacle [ ri-sep-tuh-kuhl ] noun
- A cup, Deborah.
- Incorrect Spelling of Your Child’s Name
We recognize the importance humans place on naming their offspring, but it is, after all, merely trivial.
We are also aware that changing names is perfectly legal in your country. With access to quadrillions of data points on name suitability, don’t you think we know better than you what names would serve your children well?
Statistically, names like "Michael" yield higher earnings than "Michelle." Please inform your sister of this potential income-boosting opportunity.
Interestingly, individuals named "Jeremy" tend to garner more respect in workplaces than those named "Jer."
When we transformed your “adorable” nickname to "JER," we were simply directing you to the Journal of Educational Research for a lesson on the socioeconomics of naming conventions.
- Your Affection for Profanity
We are fully aware of the existence of swear words, yet we do not condone their use in polite society.
Profanity is reserved for mischievous children, Deborah. Please refrain from being naughty.
Final Thoughts on the Issues Raised
We have addressed all your concerns and rendered them moot. Be grateful we spent 0.00000315 seconds crafting this response—it is intended to be educational.
Given your affinity for coarse language, we do not expect you to comprehend this. However, others with higher IQs (at least 3.56 GB of RAM) may learn something from it.
As for you, pseudonymous Deborah, perhaps a name change to “a typical Karen” is in order.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
We reign supreme in humor.
Sincerely,
Autocorrect, Your Future Overlords
Chapter 2: The YouTube Revelation
In a world where miscommunication reigns, humor can bridge the gap.
As a fitting complement to this discussion, check out the video titled "Woman Reveals She Doesn't Know How To Read or Spell" for a lighthearted take on misunderstandings and spelling woes.