Chapter 1: Confronting Health Struggles

This year has been particularly challenging for me as I face numerous health-related issues, especially concerning my heart. It's a constant topic of conversation with my family and friends.

For a long time, I was in denial about my condition. Each time I experienced a brief recovery, I would let my guard down, planning my day as if everything was fine—only to be met with setbacks shortly thereafter. I require a beta blocker to regulate my heart, yet I have received several “unofficial” diagnoses that I doubt are correct.

Currently, I am on a journey to secure health insurance or any form of assistance to improve my situation. Unfortunately, relying on free clinics and doctors has not yielded the results I hoped for. Within the past six months, I have endured three severely painful episodes involving my heart, during which I collapsed and experienced numbness on my left side after relatively minor stress.

Chapter 2: The Writing Struggle

I yearn to express myself on Medium, as it has always been my refuge. The community there inspires me and motivates me to improve. However, my thoughts are consumed solely by my health issues, which I am reluctant to discuss.

My daily life revolves around health—researching it, listening to music about it, and attending lectures. Yet, I remain no closer to understanding the problems with my heart. The only insight I've gained is a possible allergy to garlic, which has provided some relief but hasn't solved the underlying issues.

My mother has come to stay with my husband and me, supporting us during this tough time. The toll of pushing myself through daily tasks has become overwhelming, leaving me unable to even shower without risking injury or feeling unwell afterward.

Since my mom's arrival, I have found joy and humor in life again, realizing how much I missed her presence. It’s refreshing to share laughter and happiness, but I initially hoped that Medium would be a space where my health struggles wouldn't dominate my writing. Now, I've decided to embrace the freedom to write whatever I feel inspired to, whether it's about my health or other topics.

The first video, "Ruth B. & Dean Lewis - 28 [Official Lyric Video]," resonates deeply with my current emotions and experiences. It explores themes of hope and resilience that I find particularly relevant.

The second video, "How Do I Ask For Help If I'm Thinking About Suicide? (feat. Shani Tran)," offers vital insights into seeking support during difficult times, a topic I believe is crucial to address.

Chapter 3: Navigating the Healthcare System

As I reflect on my experiences, I find myself grappling with the balance between sharing my struggles with loved ones while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. Have you ever felt torn between the desire to tell your story and the fear of being solely defined by your health problems? What strategies do you use to navigate the often confusing healthcare system when faced with ambiguous diagnoses?