Chapter 1: The End of an Era

This week, I find myself dismantling a family business that has been a labor of love for the past 14 years. The studio we once cherished is now a chaotic mess. I've spent the day tossing costly marketing materials into recycling bags, and everything left from our business is being sold for a fraction of its worth. It's hard to imagine these moments, but the overwhelming shame is vivid.

For years, I have lived under the weight of this shame, knowing it intimately—much like a child knows the monster hiding under the bed, despite never having seen it. Shame lurks, whispering secrets of fear and uncertainty, reminding me of the burden I carry. To succumb to shame would be to accept failure. Thus, I silence it daily by working harder, pushing myself late into the night, sacrificing weekends, and declining invitations from wonderful friends.

I convinced myself that if I worked diligently enough, crafted enough solutions, this shame would dissipate, and happiness would emerge—like a bright sun breaking through clouds.

Our business, while exhausting and overwhelming, had seen remarkable achievements. The relentless workload felt justified as we seemed to be on a path to success, even if that destination felt perpetually distant.

But then, as you might have anticipated, the Pandemic arrived. This isn't a sob story; it’s simply the truth. Like countless others, we lost all our projects in the global events sector overnight, taking with them half our income.

Strangely, I now see this loss as the greatest gift the universe could bestow upon me in this lifetime. Amidst packing boxes and making tough choices, I found myself saying farewell to layers of creativity and hope, feeling surprisingly unburdened.

On the day we chose to shut down our business, clarity reigned. Shame burst like a balloon, and although guilt still lingers in the shadows of necessary endings, what I mostly feel now is a warm glow of joy. Today, I articulated my happiness, recognizing it as an important revelation.

For years, we harbored immense ambitions, convinced we were destined for greatness. We often reached our goals, yet upon arrival, we found ourselves unhappy, as the horizon always seemed to stretch further away, perpetually out of reach.

But perhaps that is life, as you might say. You are correct—existentially, it’s always about the journey. However, today I realize I don’t need to strive for a destination, and that realization is what brings me joy. The relief of ceasing to push forward and simply existing is profound, even when that existence involves wading through debris.

Letting go of future aspirations has made the present infinitely more beautiful. Since our closure announcement, small blessings have begun to illuminate each day. This afternoon, someone came to purchase our worn-out workbenches, and after a brief chat, offered my partner a job in a field he had long desired to explore.

I’m fortunate that I won’t need to worry too much; I can return to freelance copywriting, hopefully with healthier habits than before. Even more fortunate, my suppressed creative urges to write are now emerging, filling me with happiness as I embrace them without the pressure of tight deadlines.

Real magic unfolds when you finally surrender to your fears. All the tension you didn’t even recognize you were holding starts to dissipate, creating space within your being. After every breakup, every major deadline, and every small loss, I’ve experienced waves of new energy flowing through me. Just imagine the liberation of completely letting go of everything you’ve been carrying and releasing into pure vitality.

As I navigate this transition, I remind you that no fear should ever be so significant that it confines you. As my amazing partner wisely stated today, our greatest gift is time, and it should not be squandered on worries.

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Chapter 2: The Gift of Time