Chapter 1: The Illusion of Comfort

Have you ever pondered this question during your youth:

"Would you choose to remain in a state of comfortable stagnation or pursue growth with unpredictable outcomes?"

Without hesitation, I would have chosen growth, whatever that entailed. The idea of "more" captivated my younger self; I yearned for richer experiences, deeper feelings, and greater adventures.

Yet, had someone outlined the true cost of that growth to me back then:

"You will face wars, endure economic hardships, lose your father at a young age, navigate a shaky career path, and even experience a divorce as you turn 50, just after relocating to a new country."

I might have paused and reconsidered, asking, "How comfortable is this stagnation you speak of?"

During my formative years, success was defined by obtaining a degree, securing a job, marrying, and starting a family— in that precise order. The concept of "dreaming big" was nearly nonexistent, but I dared to envision a life of travel and living abroad, which seemed like the ultimate thrill in a world that felt expansive before the digital age.

I took my time, savoring each moment as I moved through life. Eventually, however, I achieved all those significant milestones: the job, the marriage, the children, and even the opportunity to live in my dream destination. At that point, I believed the foundational work was done, allowing me to relax and feel secure.

As life unfolded, I realized that challenges still arose, albeit at a slower pace. I found comfort in this stability, reveling in the love of my family, the joys of parenthood, and the safety of our home, supported by a steady paycheck. The thought of leaving this comfort zone felt unnecessary. I was content to remain within its embrace.

In truth, few choose to exit their comfort zones voluntarily. We often cling to what we know, fearing the unknown consequences of change. More frequently, we find ourselves forcibly removed from our safe havens, sometimes in jarring ways.

As I settled into my cozy zone, I began to take its blessings for granted. Amid the chaos of daily life, I lost sight of its true worth, perhaps out of fear of losing it altogether. I became preoccupied with minor issues, many of which were imaginary.

With newfound clarity, I recognize how I wasted both my attention and energy while nestled in my comfort zone. After experiencing a divorce right before my 50th birthday, the critical question I had avoided for so long surfaced:

"When did I start prioritizing the comfort zone over my own desires? When did I lose touch with my adventurous, trusting self?"

Is this a natural progression of life? As we age, do we become increasingly uncertain about the future, especially as our time seems to dwindle? Or does it stem from our possessions? The more we have, the greater our fear of loss. Perhaps it’s the overload of information we consume, often negative, that heightens our desire for stability in an ever-changing world.

Then there are our children. Becoming a parent irrevocably alters our perspective. The immense love we suddenly experience brings with it an equally profound fear. My focus shifted to protecting them from harm in every conceivable way. I wanted to shield them from everything deemed negative—bad influences, harmful environments, and distressing news. The irony is palpable: the most significant pain my children have faced may be the emotional fallout from my own choices.

Reflecting on this, have I learned any lessons? If you’re mentally rewinding your life, you might be searching for your own. I recognize I overlooked many learning opportunities, as the essential question remains unresolved:

"Who am I when I am not defined as a mother, a wife, or a career woman?"

Finding myself alone every other week when my sons are with their father makes me realize how much I crave the spirited, trusting person I once was, who seems lost within the confines of comfort.

What would she say? How would she respond? She possessed an inner compass that guided her, and now, I must rediscover my path back to that self.

Chapter 2: Rediscovering My True Self

The answers I seek can only be found within. It is through meditation that I reconnect with that essence of myself. In moments of silence, I can quiet my racing thoughts and tap into the core of who I am. It is there, in that stillness, that I find peace, and from that peace, everything can be (re)imagined: hope, trust, creativity, joy, and strength.

I am learning to relinquish the need for control amidst uncertainty. Fear no longer paralyzes me; instead, I embrace it with curiosity and wonder. I am discovering the balance between stability and flexibility, allowing myself to adapt while keeping my core intact.

I no longer define my journey by a destination; instead, I cherish the adventure itself, which feels invigorating and full of promise.

As long as I accept my status as a "work in progress," every opportunity for growth—missed or seized—becomes significant.

"The major adventure is to claim your true authentic being that is not culturally given to you." — Terence McKenna