Experiencing Divorce

Divorce is inherently challenging, yet I made it even more difficult for myself. Had I recognized that it could happen despite one's best intentions, my turmoil might have been lessened. Over the years, I have witnessed various divorce scenarios: sometimes both individuals realize their mistake and part ways quickly, while in other instances, one partner's poor behavior forces the other to leave. Some couples grow apart over time, and occasionally, shocking revelations—like infidelity or financial issues—bring an abrupt end to the marriage.

My Unique Divorce Experience

My divorce was unlike any I had heard of before; it blindsided me completely. One moment, he referred to me as his "better half," and the next, I was the person he despised most. Not long before the unexpected turn, a coworker had praised our relationship, saying how respectful he was towards me. I took this as validation, unaware of the storm brewing ahead.

There was no clear reason for his sudden change, and my pleas for an explanation were met with silence. To this day, I'm left in the dark about what truly happened.

Friends reassured me that the bitterness would fade: "In a year, you'll manage to attend your children's birthday parties together with ease." Skeptical yet hopeful, I tried. However, even after all these years since our divorce in 2002, we still lack a cordial relationship. Despite my efforts, I now choose to avoid any interaction, even during family gatherings.

In the aftermath, I was too stunned to function normally. To compound my distress, I fell ill with what I thought was a stomach flu, only to later realize my symptoms stemmed from emotional turmoil. I lost a significant amount of weight, as the constant nausea made it impossible to eat.

Confronting Shame

My entire worldview was shaken. Just six months prior to my divorce, I would have confidently stated that my marriage was thriving. I also believed that those who chose their partners wisely and committed to being good spouses never faced divorce.

The reality was a harsh lesson to learn. When I had to update my marital status for health insurance at work, I broke down in tears, unable to say the word "divorced." Filling out new patient forms at the dentist, I couldn't bring myself to check the box indicating my status. Though others might not care, it felt like a public admission of a personal failure.

I dreaded informing my grandmother, as few in my family had experienced divorce at that time. Eventually, as her dementia progressed, I never found the courage to share the news.

The day I sat in my lawyer's office with the final paperwork was agonizing. I struggled to sign documents for a divorce I never wanted while people came and went, oblivious to my breakdown. Eventually, I managed to push through.

Learning to Move On

I had to confront the uncomfortable truth: my long-held beliefs about divorce were fundamentally flawed. It became clear that one can make thoughtful choices, yet life can still take unexpected turns. You can put forth your best effort and still fail, often without understanding why.

I had never voiced my judgmental thoughts to anyone else who had experienced divorce, yet I felt a deep sense of shame for my previous superiority complex.

Teaching My Children

As my children grew old enough to date, I imparted valuable lessons: breakups might happen, and they should always be approached with respect. I emphasized that ending a relationship doesn't have to involve vilifying the other person. I wanted them to understand that rejection doesn't always indicate a personal failing; it can occur for a multitude of reasons.

A Fresh Start

Two years after my divorce, I met a man from the Netherlands and felt an immediate connection, knowing he would be my next husband. I called my father that evening to share the news, and I still wonder why he didn’t question my sanity.

Harrie was only visiting family in the U.S. and had just started his own business in Europe. Yet, two years later, he left that venture to marry me here in America.

Neither of us were financially well-off, and my children were teenagers at the time. Most of our courtship unfolded online, and any gambler would have likely given better odds to my first marriage than this one.

Yet, Harrie and I are now approaching 18 years of marriage, and it feels incredibly solid. I've learned that life's unpredictability can bring both joy and challenges, and I no longer take our relationship for granted. My judgment has also lessened significantly.

Living a Faux European Life: About Michelle Teheux

I am a writer based in central Illinois. If you appreciate my work, consider subscribing or tipping. I also write a Substack titled "Untrickled," focusing on income inequality, and I have recently published a book called "The Trailer Park Rules."