Distinguishing Perfection from Perfectionism

Although the terms perfection and perfectionism are frequently used interchangeably, they signify different concepts. Perfectionism encompasses the traits, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors tied to self-worth being dependent on achievements.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, perfectionism is defined as "a tendency to view anything short of perfection as unacceptable, typically involving unreasonably high goals and perceiving failure to meet them as a reflection of personal inadequacy." This definition highlights the detrimental impact of unrealistic standards and the sense of worthlessness that accompanies unmet goals.

In contrast, perfection is characterized by "freedom from fault or defect; flawlessness; an unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence." The distinction between these two concepts remains a topic of ongoing debate regarding whether perfectionism can ever be seen as beneficial.

The Dangers of Perfectionism

Perfectionism fuels anxiety and an unending quest for often unreachable objectives. While most would find joy in achieving something nearly perfect, the satisfaction for perfectionists is fleeting. Questions about the possibility of replicating that success and whether the achievement is deemed satisfactory lead to a continuous cycle of worry and regret.

Anxiety arises as a natural reaction to perceived threats, manifesting through physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, and clenched jaws, alongside overwhelming thoughts of failure and self-doubt. As noted by psychologist Thomas Greenspan in Psychology in the Schools, anxiety is at the heart of perfectionism, adversely affecting relationships, emotional health, and performance. Fear and excessive focus on minute details can hinder success.

In my clinical practice, clients with perfectionistic tendencies often seek assistance not to reduce their perfectionism but to enhance it. Many believe that if they exert just a bit more effort, their anxiety will lessen, and they can achieve their goals.

Perfectionists grapple with bouncing back from perceived failures or criticisms. When success hinges on isolated events—like auditions or competitions—anxiety and shame can ensue when they don’t meet their own or others’ expectations. As discussed previously, the discomfort of failure can lead some to embrace perfectionism as a misguided solution.

Perfectionists frequently dwell on "what-ifs" and "coulda-shouldas," constantly preoccupied with thoughts of failure. They often prepare excessively to mitigate any chance of falling short and conform to external expectations, suppressing their own desires in the process.

Much like a harmful addiction, perfectionism is mistakenly viewed as essential for success rather than as a source of anxiety and self-loathing. Attempts to ease anxiety through behaviors like obsessively checking work only perpetuate the cycle of perfectionism, as noted by Hofstra University researcher Anthony Pinto and his colleagues.

Is There a Silver Lining to Perfectionism?

Some researchers, like Joachim Stoeber and Kathleen Otto, differentiate between adaptive perfectionism—characterized by striving for high standards without excessive worry—and unhealthy perfectionism. A degree of perfectionism can indeed motivate achievement when it isn’t bogged down by fears of failure or judgment from others.

However, blending healthy ambition with perfectionism creates confusion. The pursuit of perfection often gets conflated with the adverse effects of perfectionism, leading many to believe that there is such a thing as "good perfectionism."

Greenspon argues that the notion of "healthy perfectionism" is fundamentally flawed. He points out that the prevailing belief in a dichotomy between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism arises from a misunderstanding of perfectionism itself, conflating it with the pursuit of excellence.

When Accuracy is Crucial

There are certain contexts where excellence and precision are indeed vital. We naturally expect our airline pilots, surgeons, and car mechanics to operate with a high level of accuracy. In these cases, precision is part of the job, but does it necessitate perfectionism?

Patrick Gaudreau, a researcher from the University of Ottawa, introduced the term excellencism to differentiate between the pursuit of excellence and the self-defeating behaviors associated with perfectionism. He emphasizes that it is possible to strive for excellence without imposing harsh self-standards that lead to anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.

Gaudreau's research links perfectionism to various mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and burnout, while highlighting the extreme expectations that often accompany it. He advocates for a clearer distinction between the negative aspects of perfectionism and the positive effects of excellencism.

Achieving Success Without the Burden of Perfectionism

The allure of perfectionistic thinking often resurfaces when accuracy and final performance are paramount. High-stakes tasks demand significant effort, and public figures in sports, arts, and culinary fields face intense scrutiny.

In The Bear, Carmy's quest for perfection becomes an obsession, leading to a loss of moderation and self-acceptance. However, not everyone who aspires to excellence exhibits perfectionistic tendencies. Several factors can contribute to the development of perfectionism:

• Cultural influences that prioritize excellence at all costs, where failure is unacceptable, and harsh criticism is used as motivation.
• Family dynamics with high expectations surrounding achievements, where a child's success serves to bolster a parent's self-esteem.
• An inherent predisposition toward anxiety, worry, and self-criticism, which fosters unrealistic expectations and reliance on external validation.
• Responses to past trauma, where the need for perfection feels like a means of achieving safety and control.

Necessary Changes

Research and clinical observations indicate that external pressures associated with perfectionism can be detrimental. Yet, challenging these perfectionistic tendencies and adopting a mindset of self-compassion and humility is no easy task.

Real change necessitates accepting oneself and prioritizing values like effort, integrity, and resilience over the pursuit of success. Letting go of an identity rooted in perfectionism and embracing a "good enough" approach may feel counterproductive and daunting.

Families can mitigate the development of perfectionism by fostering an environment that promotes excellence without imposing harsh expectations or making acceptance conditional on outcomes. Emphasizing effort and progress instead of perfection will help reduce anxiety and build confidence.

Once perfectionism becomes ingrained, overcoming it can be challenging. Engaging in psychotherapy with a qualified mental health professional can be beneficial. This may involve cognitive-behavioral therapy to address negative thought patterns, mindfulness practices to focus on the present, or deeper therapeutic work to address trauma-related issues.

In a society that celebrates high achievers and success, setting realistic goals can be a challenge. However, it is possible to pursue excellence without the weight of unrealistic expectations and the anguish of perfectionism.

Here are some insightful articles on perfectionism: - The many faces of perfectionism - The search for imperfection: Strategies for coping with the need to be perfect - 8 signs you’re a perfectionist (and why it’s toxic to your mental health) - Perfectionism is increasing, and that’s not good news - The alarming new research on perfectionism - The difference between perfectionism and healthy striving - Perfectionists: Lowering your standards can improve your mental health

This article is part of a series exploring common sources of anxiety and coping strategies.